Getting married comes with a lot of new responsibilities. One important aspect is relating with your mother-in-law.
You should know that there are certain things that you should never say to your mother-in-law if you want peace to reign.
It’s not about being docile; it’s you being wise enough to avoid conflict or a strained relationship with your mother-in-law.
Ordinarily, these things shouldn’t be a big deal. But their meanings change when said to a mother-in-law.
So, you need to take note of the underlying meanings of the seemingly harmless statements that you make around your mother-in-law.
Here are five things you should never say to your mother-in-law.
Never say ‘No’
As simple as the word ‘no’ is, saying it to your mother-in-law can dig up a whole lot of issues that would otherwise be nonexistent. To avoid painting the wrong picture of yourself or sending the wrong message across, try as much as possible not to say the word ‘no’ to your mother-in-law. Instead of saying ‘no’ outrightly, you could say ‘I appreciate you ma but I sincerely cannot take/do this right now. Thank you for your understanding.’ Sounds better? It sure does. This reduces whatever friction must have been brewing.
‘I did not ask for your opinion’
Regardless of the circumstances involved, saying this to your mother-in-law can trigger avoidable conflict. As much as you may not like every intrusion from your mother-in-law, telling her directly that you did not ask for her opinion is you disrespecting her. It does not matter if you are older or about the same age. This should never be said to avoid unnecessary drama.
‘Your child prefers it this way’
This is sure to create a strained relationship between you and your mother-in-law even if you didn’t mean it that way. As a mother, she feels she knows what’s best for her child because she has been with your spouse longer than you ever have. Telling her that her child prefers something done a particular way that is contrary to what she has always known is you gunning for enmity. She is likely to think of you as the intruder who has come to destroy the close bond she has with her child. You can advise her to try another idea or suggestion if she asks but not outrightly telling her that you know exactly what her child prefers simply because you are the spouse.
‘We don’t have time to visit you’
No mother-in-law wants to hear this. Do not make your mother-in-law feel alienated from her child’s life simply because they are now married. Try to make her understand that it’s not your deliberate decision to not come visiting. Family is everything as we age and your mother-in-law needs that connection – you need that connection with her as well.
‘It is not a big deal’
It might not be a big deal to you, but it definitely is to her – else she wouldn’t have raised it up with you. You not understanding why she is making a fuss out of it shouldn’t be communicated so nonchalantly. As a mother, her concerns – just as yours – are valid. Try to understand her point of view. You don’t have to accept it, but just understand it. You’d be surprised what ‘I understand you’ can do as opposed to ‘It’s not a big deal.’
Places To Have A Fantastic First Date
First date is always important because it’s where you drop your first impression and most importantly, it plays a big role to determine whether or not this relationship will work out.
There are essentially two categories of first dates.
There are first dates with people you’ve never seen in the flesh, nor probably talked to on the phone — these are people you met through an online dating service. The best first date for this scenario is the coffee date.
But for good reason you can cut things short after a 20-minute chat if the person’s looks or personality don’t match what you expected from their profile, or, if things go well, you can extend the date, and ask if they can accompany you on a second activity — say checking out a local street fair or farmer’s market.
Then there are first dates with someone you’ve already met in person and chatted with a bit. This could be a classmate.
It could even be a long-time friend, who’s previously been nothing more than that. You know them a little (or a lot), but you’ve never gone on an actual date with them.
In this situation, in which you feel more confident in your chances with the person, and are eager to spend more time with them in a new context, you can opt for a first date that involves a little more commitment.
If you are interested in an interesting first date experience that would make for awesome second, third, or fourth, you can try the following places.
You’ll never run out of interesting things to say as you tour through a museum’s exhibits, and the backdrop can elevate your conversation above the usual first date banalities. Plus, a nice art museum just feels dang classy.
Playing putt-putt has an almost cliché, overly wholesome feel to it, but that can actually work in your favor — it shows you don’t take things too seriously, which is an attractive trait. You’ll have plenty of laughs over the course of 18 holes, and afterwards you can move on and treat her to — what else? — a couple of ice cream cones.
Drinks and trivia are both good inhibition looseners, and you’ll likely be in for a night of laughs and fun. Plus, the element of competition adds a bit of emotional charge.
There are places that offer pre-made ceramic pieces that you simply select and paint. It’s surprisingly fun and soothing to do something creative together, and this is a good date if she’s more of a mellow, introverted type.
Minor League Sports Game
Going to a professional sports game violates the “affordable” tenet of best first dates, but attending a minor league game is right on target. Spectating is admittedly a little side-by-side in nature, but minor league games are usually so casual and laid-back that it’s really easy to turn to each other a lot to converse.
Picnics have a lot going for them as far as building attraction.
First, you get to demonstrate your skill and ingenuity in assembling the food you’ll bring as well as in the spot you choose to set up camp.
Try not to go anywhere too secluded though, as that won’t make a lady who doesn’t know you very well yet comfortable.
Also, nature is an incomparable backdrop for a date, as it’s been shown to elicit all kinds of positive feelings.
Nothing will quite get the butterflies fluttering like the laughs and thrills offered by an amusement park.
From the darkened tunnels of the spook house, to the suspenseful climb up the rollercoaster hill, there will be plenty of hand-holding moments to go around.
How To Handle Working In The Same Office With Your Spouse
You should consider this as an opportunity to discover new things about your marriage and partner. Take it as a challenge. This way, you’ll get to learn as much as you can about the benefits and the problems that might occur.
As many cons that there are, there are same amount of pros too. It’s up to you to decide if you like the idea or not.
If you decide to work with your spouse together, you need to have in mind some basic rules about your relationship and communication with your spouse.
Don’t mix business with pleasure
Now this is not just a golden rule. Sometimes, work is stressful and can make one or both of you nervous.
Working together means that you’ll probably travel to work and home together, so try not to mix your work and your private life.
Remember that your working hours are limited and when you finish your daily job activities, you should leave your work in the office. Don’t bring it home, and especially don’t talk about it with your spouse.
Even if you work in the same office, make sure you leave all the work problems right there, and discuss them the next day. Use the time with your spouse for more relaxing things.
Keep it professional at work
Usually, partners who work together in the same company can have different levels of responsibility and one of them may be superior to the other. In those cases, it is important for both to maintain professionalism in the communication.
The way partners talk and act between them at home is one thing, but at work, certain rules must be followed. Addressing one another according to the company rules is something that must be respected.
Working together means you will spend all the time with your spouse together. That is 24/7, seven days a week. If you want to keep your relationship healthy, you must find time for yourself and be separated for at least a few hours a day.
This way you will keep your individuality and you will have time to focus on your hobbies, passions, and interests.
Spending more time with your partner is great, but being together all the time will make you feel bored and will make you unhappy without a doubt.
Find a hobby, hang out with friends, or simply have a walk by yourself, but spend some time without your spouse.
Work is important, but never let work define your relationship. You are a couple because of other reasons. If you’re married, remember why you get married, and work is certainly not the reason.
That is why you must constantly work on your relationship and the love between you.
Remember to surprise your partner with flowers, or movie tickets. Surprise them with breakfast in bed, or late night snacks. Dress nicely only for them once in a while or do something you know your partner loves. Don’t let the work get in the way of your love life.
5 Rules For Friends With Benefits
Friends with benefits is more commonplace in this generation.
It’s a situation that people find themselves in either deliberately or unintentionally.
With this sort of arrangement comes a lot of drama, especially if one party wants more and the other doesn’t.
It’s not impossible to have a successful friends with benefits situation.
You just need to understand the rules of the game so that you don’t get caught unawares.
And it’s also okay not to want to be in a friends with benefits situation. You should not feel guilty about not being able to sustain such an affair.
That said, there are some rules you should know if you must get yourself involved in a friends with benefits situation.
Here are five rules of friends with benefits that will help you through the arrangement.
Don’t limit the benefits to sex
The benefits should not start and end at sex. There is more to life than sex. If you call someone your friend, you should be there for them in situations where they need support.
It’s not right to skip their birthdays or not check in if they lose a loved one simply because you are scared of developing feelings. The term is literally ‘friends’ with benefits for a reason – you are first friends before anything else.
If you can’t do this, you may have been doing the friends with benefits thing the wrong way. You are simply strangers who have sex once in a while – not friends.
Don’t catch feelings
The elephant in the room, a lot of people don’t like to admit that the major risk involved in a friends with benefits situation is catching feelings.
While there are occasions where the friends with benefits grows into a full-blown relationship, the essential reason it’s called ‘friends with benefits’ is the absence of romantic love.
If you’ve noticed that you may have developed feelings for them, have the honest discussion with them.
Tell them that you need to break the arrangement because you have caught feelings already and that wasn’t part of the initial agreement.
The key is being honest. You never know if they’ve also developed feelings too but maintain honesty on your part anyway. That way, you both know if you get to proceed with a relationship or cut off the sex until the other person moves on.
Don’t kiss and tell
They are not your friend if you go right ahead to discuss your rendezvous together with others – your other friends, family, colleagues or acquaintances.
It’s grossly disrespectful and can destroy what you both have. Respect it the way you’d respect any other affair.
Don’t raise your expectations
This can lead to a lot of heartaches for you. While they owe you respect and honesty, having too much expectations of them can jeopardize what you both share.
Even in romantic relationships, you still need to be careful about how you get your hopes up.
Don’t use it as a rebound
Using your friend as a rebound doesn’t usually turn out well. If you must go for a rebound, get knocked up by a total stranger or a distant acquaintance than your friend. It’s something you can’t sustain and you both can do without such drama.
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