Ghosting is when all communication between you and the other person stops abruptly.
The thing about ghosting is that it happens unexpectedly without prior notice.
Nothing prepares you for it. There are no clues or hints; everything seems to be going well until it happens.
No one wants to be ghosted. It is a traumatic experience that leaves the person being ghosted with deep insecurities and feelings of guilt.
A lot of times, people wonder if they are at fault or they did something wrong to deserve being ghosted.
Do you deserve being ghosted?
Ghosting is not a good thing to happen to anyone. Some may say there are valid instances where ghosting is appropriate. But chances are that if you are left wondering and perplexed about why you were ghosted, then it is not your fault.
Ghosting is the lazy way out for people who have communication issues. They would rather avoid talking to you than address the situation squarely.
Does ghosting hurt?
Ghosting hurts the individual who was left behind with no explanations or reasons. This is especially if you have shared experiences, secrets, fears, concerns and hopes with each other. It sure does hurt to be ghosted by the person who used to be your confidante, listen to how your day went and share ideas with you.
How do you know if you are being ghosted?
Sometimes, we don’t want to believe that we have been ghosted. We assume that the person may have been hospitalized or lost their phone hence the silence from their end. But no one loses their phone for a whole week without trying to contact those who matter to them and they know would be worried about the absence of communication.
Similarly, no one is rushed to the hospital without thinking of informing someone close to them to reach out to those who may be worried.
Why would they fall sick and not inform their loved ones (if they truly consider you a loved one)?
There is no justification for ghosting someone. No excuse cuts it.
Will they come back?
Some do return from their self-imposed exile. Ghosting helps the person who is doing the ghosting. They get to come back anytime they feel like and cook up a story about why they disappeared. This is another reason why ghosting is selfish and cunning.
Is it right to take them back?
Their return may trigger some feelings you have fought to keep buried. It’s not your fault; they used to be close to you. But if they’ve ghosted you once, chances are high that they’ll do it again. And you certainly don’t want your feelings toyed with that way. Taking them back sends the message to them that you are available to be played with as they’ll keep ghosting and coming back as many times as they like without genuine explanations.
What should I do if I’m being ghosted?
First, tell yourself the truth. Don’t try to bottle up your feelings. Allow yourself to feel the hurt and mourn their exit. It helps you deal with what’s ahead such as triggers.
Then, do away with all memories of them in your life – it might be a gift or a picture or saved texts. If the gift cannot easily be discarded, say a car or an apartment, you can try selling it. And if you want to keep it, mentally disassociate their memory from the gift and just see it as a goodwill from life.
Then, listen to positive messages and motivational podcasts. Tell yourself that you deserve better and they are the ones life helped you weed out.
Places To Have A Fantastic First Date
First date is always important because it’s where you drop your first impression and most importantly, it plays a big role to determine whether or not this relationship will work out.
There are essentially two categories of first dates.
There are first dates with people you’ve never seen in the flesh, nor probably talked to on the phone — these are people you met through an online dating service. The best first date for this scenario is the coffee date.
But for good reason you can cut things short after a 20-minute chat if the person’s looks or personality don’t match what you expected from their profile, or, if things go well, you can extend the date, and ask if they can accompany you on a second activity — say checking out a local street fair or farmer’s market.
Then there are first dates with someone you’ve already met in person and chatted with a bit. This could be a classmate.
It could even be a long-time friend, who’s previously been nothing more than that. You know them a little (or a lot), but you’ve never gone on an actual date with them.
In this situation, in which you feel more confident in your chances with the person, and are eager to spend more time with them in a new context, you can opt for a first date that involves a little more commitment.
If you are interested in an interesting first date experience that would make for awesome second, third, or fourth, you can try the following places.
You’ll never run out of interesting things to say as you tour through a museum’s exhibits, and the backdrop can elevate your conversation above the usual first date banalities. Plus, a nice art museum just feels dang classy.
Playing putt-putt has an almost cliché, overly wholesome feel to it, but that can actually work in your favor — it shows you don’t take things too seriously, which is an attractive trait. You’ll have plenty of laughs over the course of 18 holes, and afterwards you can move on and treat her to — what else? — a couple of ice cream cones.
Drinks and trivia are both good inhibition looseners, and you’ll likely be in for a night of laughs and fun. Plus, the element of competition adds a bit of emotional charge.
There are places that offer pre-made ceramic pieces that you simply select and paint. It’s surprisingly fun and soothing to do something creative together, and this is a good date if she’s more of a mellow, introverted type.
Minor League Sports Game
Going to a professional sports game violates the “affordable” tenet of best first dates, but attending a minor league game is right on target. Spectating is admittedly a little side-by-side in nature, but minor league games are usually so casual and laid-back that it’s really easy to turn to each other a lot to converse.
Picnics have a lot going for them as far as building attraction.
First, you get to demonstrate your skill and ingenuity in assembling the food you’ll bring as well as in the spot you choose to set up camp.
Try not to go anywhere too secluded though, as that won’t make a lady who doesn’t know you very well yet comfortable.
Also, nature is an incomparable backdrop for a date, as it’s been shown to elicit all kinds of positive feelings.
Nothing will quite get the butterflies fluttering like the laughs and thrills offered by an amusement park.
From the darkened tunnels of the spook house, to the suspenseful climb up the rollercoaster hill, there will be plenty of hand-holding moments to go around.
How To Handle Working In The Same Office With Your Spouse
You should consider this as an opportunity to discover new things about your marriage and partner. Take it as a challenge. This way, you’ll get to learn as much as you can about the benefits and the problems that might occur.
As many cons that there are, there are same amount of pros too. It’s up to you to decide if you like the idea or not.
If you decide to work with your spouse together, you need to have in mind some basic rules about your relationship and communication with your spouse.
Don’t mix business with pleasure
Now this is not just a golden rule. Sometimes, work is stressful and can make one or both of you nervous.
Working together means that you’ll probably travel to work and home together, so try not to mix your work and your private life.
Remember that your working hours are limited and when you finish your daily job activities, you should leave your work in the office. Don’t bring it home, and especially don’t talk about it with your spouse.
Even if you work in the same office, make sure you leave all the work problems right there, and discuss them the next day. Use the time with your spouse for more relaxing things.
Keep it professional at work
Usually, partners who work together in the same company can have different levels of responsibility and one of them may be superior to the other. In those cases, it is important for both to maintain professionalism in the communication.
The way partners talk and act between them at home is one thing, but at work, certain rules must be followed. Addressing one another according to the company rules is something that must be respected.
Working together means you will spend all the time with your spouse together. That is 24/7, seven days a week. If you want to keep your relationship healthy, you must find time for yourself and be separated for at least a few hours a day.
This way you will keep your individuality and you will have time to focus on your hobbies, passions, and interests.
Spending more time with your partner is great, but being together all the time will make you feel bored and will make you unhappy without a doubt.
Find a hobby, hang out with friends, or simply have a walk by yourself, but spend some time without your spouse.
Work is important, but never let work define your relationship. You are a couple because of other reasons. If you’re married, remember why you get married, and work is certainly not the reason.
That is why you must constantly work on your relationship and the love between you.
Remember to surprise your partner with flowers, or movie tickets. Surprise them with breakfast in bed, or late night snacks. Dress nicely only for them once in a while or do something you know your partner loves. Don’t let the work get in the way of your love life.
5 Rules For Friends With Benefits
Friends with benefits is more commonplace in this generation.
It’s a situation that people find themselves in either deliberately or unintentionally.
With this sort of arrangement comes a lot of drama, especially if one party wants more and the other doesn’t.
It’s not impossible to have a successful friends with benefits situation.
You just need to understand the rules of the game so that you don’t get caught unawares.
And it’s also okay not to want to be in a friends with benefits situation. You should not feel guilty about not being able to sustain such an affair.
That said, there are some rules you should know if you must get yourself involved in a friends with benefits situation.
Here are five rules of friends with benefits that will help you through the arrangement.
Don’t limit the benefits to sex
The benefits should not start and end at sex. There is more to life than sex. If you call someone your friend, you should be there for them in situations where they need support.
It’s not right to skip their birthdays or not check in if they lose a loved one simply because you are scared of developing feelings. The term is literally ‘friends’ with benefits for a reason – you are first friends before anything else.
If you can’t do this, you may have been doing the friends with benefits thing the wrong way. You are simply strangers who have sex once in a while – not friends.
Don’t catch feelings
The elephant in the room, a lot of people don’t like to admit that the major risk involved in a friends with benefits situation is catching feelings.
While there are occasions where the friends with benefits grows into a full-blown relationship, the essential reason it’s called ‘friends with benefits’ is the absence of romantic love.
If you’ve noticed that you may have developed feelings for them, have the honest discussion with them.
Tell them that you need to break the arrangement because you have caught feelings already and that wasn’t part of the initial agreement.
The key is being honest. You never know if they’ve also developed feelings too but maintain honesty on your part anyway. That way, you both know if you get to proceed with a relationship or cut off the sex until the other person moves on.
Don’t kiss and tell
They are not your friend if you go right ahead to discuss your rendezvous together with others – your other friends, family, colleagues or acquaintances.
It’s grossly disrespectful and can destroy what you both have. Respect it the way you’d respect any other affair.
Don’t raise your expectations
This can lead to a lot of heartaches for you. While they owe you respect and honesty, having too much expectations of them can jeopardize what you both share.
Even in romantic relationships, you still need to be careful about how you get your hopes up.
Don’t use it as a rebound
Using your friend as a rebound doesn’t usually turn out well. If you must go for a rebound, get knocked up by a total stranger or a distant acquaintance than your friend. It’s something you can’t sustain and you both can do without such drama.
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